FairyTale Disaster
by star42430
Summary: What happens when you morph together a bunch of classic tales and set them to modern times? Read and see.


Whoa, haven't been on here in a while. This story came to be while telling my sister her fav, the 3 Little Pigs. About halfway through I recorded it and now am typing it down. I do not own any fictional fairytale characters mentioned. Enjoy the first bit!

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived three little pigs. These three pigs got tired of living with their mom and decided to go get cribs of their own. The first pig made his house out of straw. One day a wolf came and said "Yo, pigman, lemme in." and the pig was all like "No way! You're gonna turn me into bacon!" and the wolf was like "Whatever dude, just let me in or I'll blow this place down." And the pig was like "Yea well, I got chin hair and the chin says no." So the wolf dude huffed and puffed like some big bad hurricane and the house fell over. "Aw crap, don't eat me! I make bad bacon!" yelled the pig and he ran off to his brother's house.

Now pig brother number two was a bit smarter than his first brother, his house was made of sticks. So pig brother one ran into pig brother two's house. "Bro, there's this wolf man, and he's trying to turn me into freakin bacon!" PB2 (pig brother two) thought his little bro might have been out in the sun too long or something, but after a minute someone banged on the door. "Who is it?" asked PB2, while PB1 looked in fear. "Are you mentally retarded? It's the wolf!"PB2 looked through the eyehole and saw some huge teeth. "Whoa, tick tack?" While the two brothers laughed at the lame joke, the wolf took a few deep breaths and blew the house down. "NOOO! I'd make really bad ham!" The pigs yelled, and ran off to their oldest brother, pig brother three.

PB3 was the smartest of the bunch, and his house was made from bricks. He was taking some unfrozen pizza out of the oven when his younger siblings ran in. "Save us! We're gonna be made into- pizza!" While PB3 thought about how to turn pigs into pizza the other two quickly finished his lunch. As PB3 yelled at the two idiots, the wolf knocked on the door. "Who is it?" asked the eldest brother. The younger two quickly scrambled over to try and keep their brother form opening the door. "It's a wolf! He wants to eat us!" PB3 then yelled some select words at the wolf that, summed up, asked him to leave. The wolf huffed and puffed and became some hurricane tornado storm mess, but the house stayed up. Then PB3 threw some glue at the wolf and the furry creature got fed up with his quest for roast. He grumbled, shuffled his feet, and went off into the nearby forest.

After an hour of cursing the pigs and kicking everything in his path, the wolf saw some chick in a red cape. He snuck up behind the freak with the cape and said in a scary voice "I'm gonna eat you little piggy." The girl turned around, hit the wolf with a basket and screamed "I AM NOT A PIG! THESE COOKIES ARE FOR MY GRANNY YOU ASSHOLE!" Then she tried to run off, but tripped because her All Stars were untied again. The wolf laughed as the kid tied her shoes. She saw him laughing and threw an empty bottle of Coca-Cola at him. "Shut up you retard, at least I'm in the right fairytale…" The smartest comeback the wolf could think of was "Yea, well, your mom." The girl threw another empty bottle at him. "Weren't you listening? I'm going to my grand-mom." The wolf had gotten distracted by a butterfly, and followed it to some old cottage in the middle of the forest. The doormat said "Granny's House"

The wolf decided that even a wrinkly granny would be better than staying hungry. He pulled out his Swiss-army-knife and picked the lock. The old ha was busy watching The Price Is Right to notice the huge hairy creature sneak up behind her. Hell, she didn't even notice when he put salt and pepper on her; she just kept watching Drew Carrey until the wolf ate her. He then saw that Granny had left her closet open. "I bet I'd make a great drag queen!" The wolf then proceeded to dress in old lady clothes and watch tv in her bed. Soon enough, he heard a knock on the door. knock-knock "Who's there?" he 

asked. "Its me, Little Red." The wolf went on, "Little Red who?" By that time, cape girl was bored of the knock-knock joke set-up and used the spare key to get in.

"Whoa, granny, what's with the huge eyes?"

"I um, got laser eye surgery so I could see you better!"

"Ok… what about those huge ears?"

"Hearing aids my delicious- erm, dearest. Now I can ear you much better."

"What about the huge choppers?"

By now the wolf was bored of being a drag queen. "So I can eat you, you little piglet!" The girl screamed her lungs out, which was rather painful for the wolf's hearing aid. While the wolf was distracted and the girl was screaming, granny's secret lover entered the scene. He happened to be carrying a huge ax, and when he saw the wolf, he grabbed him by the back of the neck. "Hello dinner," the ax-man said. Now the wolf was deaf and freaked out but this huge guy, so he gagged up granny and ran off to try to become a vegetarian. Rather scarred by the whole incident, Little Red moved out of the forest and into the big city, far away from any wolves.

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Lets cut off there, shall we?

-star42430


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